On Nature and Things of that Nature

This article is meant to be about nature and things of that nature but i went to see my parents in May and forgot to tell the chowkidaar to water the plants and the plants all died. Then i got new plants and went to see my parents again in July and forgot to tell the chowkidaar to water the plants and my new plants all died. I know what youre thinking and youre right, i need to stop going to see my parents. 

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I have a cousin who is like me, the same kind of darkness. I want to tell her that men are like deer, happy to walk alongside you when you hike, accompanying you step by step, focused as you are on climbing the hilltop. But glance in their direction and they bolt, startled and spooked, when all you wanted to do was tell them that it was nice for a short while to not be walking through this forest alone. 

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When I was around 10 or 11, baba one saturday morning dragged me out of bed at 8am to the garden where he was mowing the grass and pointed to a spiderweb and said: look at this isn’t it incredible. It was huge and intricate hanging between two shrubs winking with dew and backlit by a soft dawn sun. I literally could not have given less of a shit. I ummed and aahed an unsatisfying amount then got told to clear up the grass after the mower. Half an hour later one of the neighbourhood kid’s footballs crashed through into our garden destroying the web. I think with nature, as with love, we can never get justice, we can only hope for mercy.

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I have a friend who is nothing like me – she lives in a congenital winter. I want to tell her that I was driving on the motorway a few days ago when the car was swarmed by a kaleidoscope of butterflies all of them leaving bright colourful splodges on the windshield as they cartwheeled their last. It seemed like such a shame, like a wasted tenderness you share with someone who doesn’t stay. But it was also amazing, this kamikaze into oncoming traffic by these flying insects that had clearly lost their way. When i think about it now i think we like to think God is great as a sign of His absolute power but really God is small, really small, and found in a dewy spider web moments before it is destroyed, in an apple’s rainbow pinwheel brightening our sight for a flash before the butterflies died. 

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